On Angel's Wings
by HollisterK
Summary: I’ll never understand why it’s so hard to let go of something that was never mine to begin with… Shizuka has lost her sight. Fear takes her mind in its thin fingers and pulls into a fist. Her goodbye to a world that offered her everything but happiness.


On Angel's Wings

This is where I live. A place of eternal black with no escape. I remember feeling my fingers peel open my eyelids…hoping my sight would return…but light couldn't reach behind the thick layer of useless tissue that locked me into this solitary confinement. This is where I live… I can't help but wonder what lies just beyond my reach… How can I possibly escape… from myself…

I remember constantly scratching at the puss that gushed from the lining of my eyes. They had been scarred and bled with no end… but all I could do was taste the bloody salt that crawled down the sides of my face and scratched at the tip of my lips. Blood was the least of my problems. They burned inside my face. They gnawed at the back of my head and stroked my inflamed skin. I managed to free one of my hands and tore at my exposed eyes. I couldn't possibly tell if my eyes were open or not, but when I clawed at them, the pain stopped.

I remember one night, the burning was so unbearable that I placed two of my fingers on either side of the tiny rigid pupil and began the painful process of gouging my left eye. The only hand I had left was my right… At that second, a thick hand threw my arm away from my face. These fat nurses! They never knew real pain! My eyes felt like two hairy rats chewing at the back of my face. I couldn't let them get any further! I screamed. But the rats kept chewing. The arms wrapped around my chest, which had already begun massive convulsions that threw my fragile body from one side of the bed to the other. They had to come out… it was the only way! Couldn't they see that!

It was the only way… that night I heard him speak to me… I felt him touch my arm… I could do everything but see. He told me that he would make everything right. That one day, I'd see again. I hated him. Nothing in this world of fat nurses could make my eyes reveal what they have hidden from me for so long. I wanted death. A guaranteed release from the hell I was brought to. Couldn't they see that?

One day, they brought another bed into my room. I heard the curtain's rusty metal rings scrape the plastic bar, placing my bed at the far end of the window. Not that it mattered… the only effect light had on me was a vile and rough rash that disintegrated what was left of the skin that hung from my eyes. A few hours later, she passed by. Under the thin sheets, I felt her fingers trace the corners of my bed. She smelled of foreign plastic. Her sticky, pale skin… I could almost see her pasty face smirk at my appearance: she in her soft pink skirts and I wrapped in bandages and blue hospital robes… my arms strapped to the sides of my bed like an animal. I knew her kind. The daughter of another American missionary pig… she smelled like oranges. The crisp hospital bed sunk under her body and crackled as she hopped to swing her feet over the bed. She was short. I was tall… at least… that was what I've been told. I don't remember me anymore. Neither does the rest of the world.

"Hello… Hear I that you blind."

It took all I had not to burst into hysterics. She spoke such horrible Japanese. It made me hate her even more. I refused to speak to my own mother… I'm not sure why, but I gave a polite nod and managed a smile. I had always assumed that when my sight was snuffed from my eyes, my ability to socialize had deteriorated along with it… I guess I was wrong.

"What your problem! You deaf, too, invalid!" the girl shrieked in frustration. This stunned me beyond words. I had already given this ingrate an answer to her ignorant question! Any sane person could tell I was blind! The oranges became the most vile odor imaginable as I heard her scream words that sounded like English… but I didn't care. She insulted my physical state of being. She can deal with her own mental instability. My fat nurse came galumphing into the room, spitting the same language this temperamental psychopath was screeching. The pink curtain was drawn back again… as if I could see what was going on. Perhaps these foreigners have not yet grasped the full meaning of privacy. The incompetent moron was quite safe from any intrusions on my part. The curtain was drawn against the plastic yellow bar. The nurse's face poked into my side of the room.

"Serenity, apologize! Why are you always so grouchy?"

Her request was unreasonable and absolutely impossible. My head shook 'no' so violently that the bandages that held my eyes in place unraveled.

"Oh! Serenity! You're so difficult!"

The fat nurse grumbled as the sausages she called fingers picked up the soggy cloths. Her grumbles fell silent for a brief moment and I heard her stumble over herself to reach the phone.

"Doctor! Serenity, I mean…uh…" She grabbed at the clipboard that I had kicked to the floor. "Patient 1024 has suffered immense blood loss through the temporal lobe of her left eye! Recommending immediate attention!"

I could hardly hear her urgent pleads. The blackness around me seemed to move as my mind took my eyes into its crooked fingers and pulled into a fist.

"Serenity! Stay awake!"

The darkness plunged to an abrupt halt, shook his sleek coat and fell away…

"Serenity!"

What I saw brought me to my knees…

"STAY!"

Color burned itself into place."

"AWAKE!"

'It's just another hallucination… blind children experience these minor traumas regularly. Some swear that what they had seen…'

"Don't GO!"

'was real…'

"SERENITY!"

I Just

Had to close my eyes

Had to fall asleep…

And I saw you there…

Staring back at me.

--

The End

(A/N): This story is dedicated to my best friend who stood by my side through it all and taught me to be strong. I never noticed until this day how painful it is to love with nothing in return… This is my final goodbye to him… I'll never understand why it's so hard to let go of something that was never mine to begin with…

My Heart Will Go On

Love can touch us one time  
And last for a lifetime  
And never go till we're one

Love was when I loved you  
One true time I hold to  
In my life we'll always go on

You're here, there's nothing I fear,  
And I know that my heart will go on   
We'll stay forever this way  
You are safe in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on.

I just wish that I could see your face just one more time. That one true time I hold to... How can I go on without you? Where would I go? I know that if you could…you'd be here… but I guess heaven is just too far…

I couldn't ever forget you…


End file.
